2 years later and I’m still healing myself

Almost two years ago.. I had suffered a traumatic experience that resulted in my spirit being broken, I was sexually assaulted.

I was 16 years old, all I wanted to do was go to my friends house and go mudding. I had a bad feeling when I was asked to go up there, I said no at first. Then my mom broke her silence and said to just go up there because I never got out. After awhile I brushed off my gut feeling for just hunger. Once I had gotten up there i had gotten ready to go mudding (I used to love it).

All that day I had been felt as if I was being watched; but like before i didn’t listen. Later that evening my “friend” had left with her cousin to get McDonald’s for us all. When she had returned she brought a lot of alcohol with her saying she wanted to have fun. Obviously at that time I thought okay because it was exciting because I had never done that before. It was 6 Smirnoffs. And 4 bootleggers. We were supposed to split them, but her cousin had taken half of hers. All I remember is me saying “I’m tired” and hearing his voice say “don’t worry I will give you energy.” Then I felt a sharp pain in my lower region.

My friend never helped me, she actually recorded it. Once I woke up I was in pain, I looked at my phone and read a message of “do you remember?” That’s when I put the pieces together and realized What had happened to me. I replied with “yes.” And they said “sorry lol.”

When I told my mother about it she didn’t want to believe me because I didn’t want to press charges. The only reason why I didn’t want to is because I never wanted to see his face again.

Ever since that day I still go to bed to my PTSD reminding me of it, I gained 50 pounds, and I don’t ever dress up; I wear sweats.

I posted this because my therapist thought it would be best to talk about it, because it will take my pain away. So thank you to whoever takes the time to read this.

EDIT:

Wow, thank you so much to all of you who had commented and showed your support. I am devastated that many of you have been through sexual assault. I am trying to reply to all of the comments at my best.

Every single one of you has helped me, I had no clue how much posting this has freed me, I am so thankful for all of you. Thank you so much for sharing your stories because I know that some of you might have had trouble with sharing it. I’m now trying to focus on my mental state and I’m working on getting my body back as well. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for those of you who have read my story.