Sad it’s not me...🙁

So on Thursday I got the lovely news my friend back home in NZ is pregnant with number 3. I handle this okay, she’s 10 years younger than me. Tonight another friend calls me, we are close, we both have 2 children close in age and her 2nd is 3 years younger than my 7 year old. We of course both talk about having another but as she turned 40 last August she had said no, that’s it, we’re done, I don’t want anymore, it’s time to go back to work. I had a feeling though that they were trying but just not saying. Tonight she rings to tell me she’s 9 weeks pregnant but not only is she 9 weeks pregnant but that she is pregnant with identical twins!!! I am so over the moon for her but at the same time feel completely devastated too that it’s not me and probably never will be again. I’m sure my endometriosis is back and that I have low reserve. I want to go and check it with my Doctor but at the same time don’t want that extra negative thought to get to me. I met with my other girlfriend on Friday and had oodles of cuddles with her new 8 week old. I really just want one more, I just want it to be my choice that I have 2 kids and not 3 because my stupid body has let me down. I know I’ve got to stay positive but I feel like I’m being rained down upon by babies and tomorrow I meet my newly pregnant friend for coffee to see her new bump that she’s been hiding under baggy tee shirts all the while wishing with every piece of my heart that it was me...💔 (I’m also writing this to give you all another positive over 40 pregnancy story. I really do believe there are a higher number of Mums falling pregnant in their 40’s globally and that they maybe need to re-do stats. My thought has always been that if your body is supposed to stop reproducing then why does menopause typically not start until the median age of 51?).