Why am I feeling like this :(

Question

So basically I’ve attempted suicide, been depressed & anxious, etc. I’m currently in therapy and I’m being treated, yet for some reason I want to go back in time to when it all started, or even in the middle of everything. It might be bc I liked the attention? Or maybe bc I feel like I missed out on a huge part of my life bc of the hospitalizations and things. I still think about driving off a cliff or cutting myself, although I’m “healed”. I think about ending it even though I’m not necessarily depressed. Does that make sense?

Answer

It makes sense. Maybe you're still trying to process and understand it. No matter what, we all have those tendencies for nostalgia, too. Your brain has been on the loop for so long, even though you're outwardly, consciously, healed, your subconscious is still programmed with these urges. It will take time, but eventually you'll overcome this, too. You've already come so far! You might also be stressed. When stressed, this stuff will pop up but it's about the choice to listen to it or not. You're doing well by contemplating it and being introspective. You're strong and you got this!

Answer

Sorta makes sense to me. I've had thoughts to harm myself but it's not what I want to do. It's not a fight for me not to do it anymore. I'm around razors all the time and not once do I think to use it to harm myself. I have thoughts at periods of time that people may be better off without me and all that but it's just a thought, never an action.

Why am I feeling like this :(

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