Most painful but rewarding experience

I can’t believe it’s finally my turn to write my birth story! I had 4 different false alarms so when I went to the hospital Thursday night at 9:00 with contractions 5 minutes apart for an hour, I swore my body was tricking me again. So I went in and got hooked up the the monitor in the labor room and the nurse checked my cervix. As I’m laying there staring at the ceiling I start doubting that this was it because my contractions were subsiding. She then said “we’re having a baby tonight!” I lifted my head and paused. “Wait what?” I immediately started freaking out. I had the worst anxiety. So I get my IV put in and she leaves me to labor for a little while. She checks m 2-3 hours later and I was 7 cm. But I wasnt having close, regular contractions or any pain. So she left me a checked one more time at around 3 am and i was still 7 cm. She said we would wait for the doctor to come in the morning. The doctor didn’t come in until 9:00 am. I wasn’t in pain, just tired and anxious. My contractions were still irregular and not painful. So he comes in and checks me. He’s surprised. He said “wow. 7 cm. 100% effaced. And station 0” they look at me and laugh. The nurse says “how are you not having any contractions or pain?!” I was like 😅🤷🏽‍♀️. So 9:15 he breaks my water and 9:20 I start Pitocin. I get one big contraction about 5 mins later and I’m like “I think I’m gonna want the epidural..” no one listened to me! They said no 😅😩 and I get one more contraction like 9:45. And the nurse comes in and says “let me know when you feel pressure and you have to poop” I started nodding furiously!! And so she checks me and I’m 9cm. She asks me to practice pushing. Omg. Worst thing ever. I’ve been awake since Thursday morning and probably only slept for 5 hours on Wednesday night. I couldn’t do it. I pushed for an hour and half. I cried and begged for my life to let me stop. I could NOT do it. I looked my fiancé in the eyes and cried “please.. please don’t make me do it”. He’s already crying because he sees our little mans head. He just stared at me with red eyes and said “babe please. You can do it. I see his hair. He’s right there.” I screamed and screamed. I tried to strip my gown off 😅 apparently I bit my mom 😂 and finally he popped out! I was in SHOCK. Nearly traumatized. I was so tired and it didn’t hit me that I just gave birth. I looked scared! I couldn’t believe it.

So at 11:40 am my little Eli Matthew was born

6 lbs 3 oz and 17.5 inches.

Born at 37+6.

I have truly never loved anyone or anything as much as I love him. I was so afraid for months that I wouldn’t feel this love, that it wouldn’t hit me. But oh boy it hit like a bus. This was the most painful, traumatizing experience. But oh my goodness, I love you more than words to describe my little Eli.