When did you know you were ready to have a baby?

Question

I'm only 20 I've been with the love of my life for 3 years now. He's the greatest man I've ever known, always does whats right, very considerate and thoughtful. We recently just got our own house. I'm waiting for him to pop the question😁. A little about me on this subject is i have always wanted to be a mother, always, i want to nurture and take care of something (I have 3 cats that i baby to death haha). When i was 18 i knew my health insurance was gonna end and I didnt have a stable job, i didnt have a stable place to live, and i was not gonna get pregnant on accident or have a baby when my boyfriend and I were not even ready, my child will not have the same childhood i had. So what i did was made an appointment to get the paragard iud, no side effects like weight gain, acne, hair loss, like I've experienced with other birthcontrols. ugh painful cramps though. Anywho ill be 28 when its time to change birth control. sometimes i just want to have one now. but I have some things i want to factor in and try and be smart about this. I know with working a full time job and going to an apprenticeship in the evening right now i will not have enough free time to spend with said child and so. Would we even be able to afford a baby? we can barely afford dinner for our selves. It'd be smart to wait till my apprenticeship is over and I can just work that one job and wait till I'm married. I want to be married a couple years before having a child , just because as some as anybody gets married they start a family asap. I just want years just husband and wife first. Plus I think about when the child is going to school id never be able to help with homework i couldn't even pass school myself because I was so far behind and had no help. I'm worried my child will have learning disabilities like me. my so is sooo smart. he's also the smartest person ive ever known. I want the child to be like him but there's still the chance itd be like me... also I'm vegetarian and I want to raise my child vegetarian but I'm so scared people will just go behind my back and give them meat anyways. veggie moms how do you do it? (no bashing or saying im gonna make them lack in vitamins and nutrients because that will not happen) so many people in my family are highly addicted to drugs and alcohol including my parents and brother. my so and I are straight edge so the child will never be around that. but im still so scared of it. how did you know you were ready? Did you wait for anything? were any thoughts and worries for nothing? the world's just such a scary place to bring people into. humans are destroying the world, so many animal/insect species are going extinct more and more. I want to raise a child with love and positivity and optimism. but it's just scary to think about bringing a human into this world. making life? is 28 too old to try and have a baby? all my friends have babies and my mom , mother in law and grandma want me to have a baby. I really want one but its more than being pregnant and delivering a baby. it's a baby growing into a child that has moods, and tantrums, and pubert, etc. please tell me other young ladies thought about this too or similar things they worried about when wanting kids. thank you for anyone who actually reads this long topic and answers.

Answer

I think if you’re questioning it now, you’re still not ready, however, I think you’re insanely mature for knowing the values you want your child to be around & for knowing you want to be able to fully provide for said child. No, 28 is not too old to start a family. I am currently 18 and having a child. I’ve been with my SO for almost four years now, however, I probably wasn’t fully ready. I know I wasn’t fully ready, but now that it’s happening, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m working as a nurses aid & I’m still going to go to college. My SO & I are looking at houses we hope to move into by summer. Sometimes things happen, but I think that you’ll know when you’re ready. Just remember, no amount of preparation can actually prepare you for what’s to come, it’s a live & learn situation. Good luck!

Answer

i think it is ridiculous that some women on here are telling you you are not ready. that js not their business. you are the only one who can determine that. 20 is not too young. marriage does not make you a better parent. money does not make you a better parent. love makes you a great parent. providing your child with what it needs not wants makes you a great parent. if you want to wait, great. If you want to try now, then do it. you sound very mature and rational.

Answer

I have no advice because I was never ready, but I want to add on how absolutely mature and responsible you are and when you ARE ready that’s one hell of a lucky child to have you for a mom

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I think it’s great that you are considering all of these things before getting pregnant. I’m 28 and pregnant with my first child. My husband and I have been married six years and together for ten. I’ve known I was ready for a few years now but my husband wasn’t. We waited until we both had steady jobs and owned a home. We wanted to be able to provide for our baby and give them everything that they deserve out of life. You will never fully be “ready”, but you will know when the time is right. For now, just focus on yourself and your future.

Answer

I'm 19 and completely understand and actually am interested in the paragaurd too, was it painful for you and did you get financial aid? Personally I know I am far from prepared to raise a child. For one, I live with my family and don't work, don't have my own car and not a clear path on what my career is and also struggle in school with being a little slow. I know I have my whole life to make the choice to raise a child and I also want to get it right, in a loving and stable, financially healthy and lifelong relationship, hopefully with my husband, where all of our disagreements, values, and attitudes are sorted out before a let a child experience or grow up in that environment. If it happens and the circumstances aren't perfect, I understand and would still do my best and learn along the way which can be done but I wouldn't choose to put that stress on myself, my baby, my family, and my partner right now. I would say if I were you, revisit that idea in two or three years from now (you choose the time) to see if your financially, emotionally, and finically ready to take the step and then maybe spend another year preparing and setting that foundation for that baby to come. You can always get that paragaurd removed whenever you like and we are young, there is time to still work on ourselves, or friendships and relationships and our finances to be better moms to come in the future :)💓

Answer

Just from reading this I would say you are not ready. Take it from me, you want to KNOW you want it. You can't want it because you think you need to be young, or because you're impatient or because someone else wants you to. You are 20. And no, just because you get married doesn't mean you need to start popping out babies. My husband I were married 3 1/2 years before we got pregnant. People were constantly harassing us about when we would have kids. I was 27 when she was born. Just because you feel pressure from others is no reason to get pregnant. My husband and I finished college, got married, got stable decently paying jobs, a place to live and a livable income. If you can barely afford your own expenses, let alone food, DO NOT have a baby. We thought we had prepared and even we couldn't anticipate how much money it was going to cost. Forget furniture for a nursery, think about clothes, bottles, possibly formula, daycare, eventually food, diapers, doctors visits and don't even get me started on the cost of actually giving birth. It all adds up and you don't want to be in debt at 21. Make sure you are financially stable. I'm not saying you're ever really ever totally ready, but you need to know you're prepared.

When did you know you were ready to have a baby?

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