I’m scared

It’s been months since I’ve been this low. I want to die. I want to literally destroy my body. My parents won’t let me be alone........I can’t cut and I want too......I want to talk to my boyfriend or my bff.....but I feel to bothersome. My boi just switches it and says he’s the worst person alive just because he can’t help and I end up feeling worse.........but idk what to do.........I’m scared......but not afraid to die. I’m afraid of what the people I love will think......what should I do...?