Defense mechanism?

So I’m 7+3 my first doctors appointment is at 7+6 so, 3 days.

I was SO nervous of losing this baby when I first found out at 3+4. I’ve gone through a couple stages...

First super scared, then around 5+ I was much more at peace, created baby registries to keep my mind busy, and now that I’m 3 days away from the first ultrasound I’m almost like, (i know this sounds horrible) thinking about what I’d do if we received negative news.

Thinking about saving more $, maybe buying some property, thinking of going on some trips, etc. but it makes me feel horrible for even thinking of such a horrible situation and trying to find positives.

Does that make me a bad mama? Are these hormones and I’m finding a way to not allow myself to be hurt ?

As you probably gathered I am so nervous for this first ultrasound / Visit. I’m trying not to think of it because the anxiety is real.