Honestly, sometimes I feel like this pregnancy is killing me. I have always been a sad insecure person, it has never taken much for me to slip into this depressed isolated state, I am much too sensitive and weak for my own good. 22 weeks into this pregnancy and I feel so alone, the stress is all getting to me, I still have a million things to buy and do and the time just won't slow down for me, in fact it feels as if time and everything and everyone in the world including myself is against me right now and I don't know how to cope with that feeling. I cannot even begin to put into words how much I just want to be able to let myself break, to crumble into a million pieces and just cry and cry and cry, I want to be able to give up. I know I can't, but it's the most overwhelming feeling I have possibly ever faced, at least usually I know the feeling will end, things will be okay, but with months left still and who knows what it'll be like when baby is actually born, I cannot help but just feel worse and question what the point is of even trying to be okay (not that I feel like I can be okay) if it's going to be a never ending cycle.

I know I sound selfish and horrible, don't get me wrong I love this baby girl inside me so much and I know she is a blessing and I know she will make me happy and I will love being her mother, but that doesn't take away the feeling of the struggle. I just wish I had someone to talk to, my partner has never been very much of a shoulder to cry it and he tries to get it but he just can't, I've never had much of real friends to talk to and I most certainly will never talk to a professional of some kind. I just wish I could pause or rewind altogether sometimes. I cannot even begin to explain how I feel right now, surely someone will understand out there. 😓