In the beginning of our relationship, sparks flew like no other. We had many inside jokes, and laughed nonstop. We talked everyday from the first call, began to hang out. Our first date was at the movies to see Get Out. I’d already seen it, and even though it was your first time seeing it, you barely paid attention to the movie 🙈. You then started coming to my house. You were my best friend, someone i could talk to about anything. Somehow, you made something as boring as watching tv, amazing. I miss those days. We then began getting into arguments over stupid things. Fortunately, at the time, i couldn’t stay mad at you. Our feelings began to grow deeper, especially after my prom and graduation. 🧡 You were there for it all.
A couple more months pass and we’ve hung out all summer. I’d visit you at work and try to see you and talk to you as much as possible. I felt like I loved you. And i did. We spent the fourth of July together, wishing we could do more than we had. That day was special to me. We spent time with your family and mine.
Soon after, it was time for me to go to school. You helped me pack my items and pack the truck, you rode with me there and helped me decorate my room. You went to lunch with my family and I. You were apart of the family. You kissed me before leaving, while also leaving me money. You took care of me ❤️.
A couple months later and we’re having some issues. You had done some things behind my back that I’d had no knowledge of, and little did you know, something that wasn’t much of a deal to you, would forever change our relationship for the worst. You did other things too. You’ve ruined the possibility of me being friends with some people again, by making my view of them change, and getting them involved in something they had no business. I still loved you, though.
October 15th— it’s your birthday. It’s also the first time I’d come from school to stay the weekend at your house. That weekend was special. You made me cry from joy and pleasure. You were the first person to care about my soul. You cared for me emotionally.. it seemed.
Another month goes by, and I’ve found out about what you had been doing behind my back. This made me the most insecure I’ve been in my life. I told you about what happened in my past and trusted you to not be like the others. You said it was only a mistake and plead your case, but I’d never trust you again. I trusted you until you gave me a reason not to.
A couple weeks go by and we’re at the cabin for Ashley’s birthday. Things seem to be getting better, possibly. I get really sick and you take care of me like no other. Maybe it was just a mistake, and you’ve learned you only want me. Maybe you do have what it takes to be a man and treat me like your woman.
A month later and it’s Christmas time. You get me a promise ring, and even though i had been waiting for it, I’m honestly not as excited as i should be. I felt as if it had no significance—as if it was just a ring to buy my love. Like you didn’t really mean what you were saying, but you wanted me to just shut up. Like the ring itself would earn my trust. But it didn’t.
You said you’d delete your social media because of what you had done. I said I’d do the same to make the relationship better overall, even though you’re the one who lost my trust. I wanted to work on us, together. Only thing is i lived up to my word and stayed off social media—you couldn’t handle the temptation though. You got on it behind my back and whenever i was around, you’d stay off of it. Your excuse was that you had nothing better to do or you were bored, but honestly, you had all the things in the world you could have done. How much better could your grades have been if you weren’t going behind my back to get on Snapchat? Instagram? Twitter? You shouldn’t have even suggest deleting social media if you couldn’t handle it, cause i remained solid when i had the right to fold.
A few more months down the line and we’re nearing our anniversary. Things have gotten the worst they’ve ever been. I’m stuck. I’m still insecure, I’ve become controlling because of my insecurities, and we’re always arguing. I always voice my opinions when there’s something i don’t like, yet somehow you never know there’s a problem. You fail to communicate, and always wait until things get bad to finally try to do something.
I tried to k*ll myself and I’m still suffering through the physical pain because of it. Others have it worse, and i feel bad for being a pathetic bitch but i had reached my breaking point. I’m not doing as well as i should or could be doing in school, I’m not “me” anymore, and we’re not “us” anymore. My relationships with people i thought would e in my life forever have dried up. I don’t want to be here anymore. And all you can still do is think of yourself. How it would’ve made you feel to know you’re the reason i did it. How you cried and smoked with your “friends.” Do what you want James.
I’m still here, but i don’t want to be here. You’ve put me through hell in worse ways than just fucking and leaving. I actually felt like you loved me, and maybe you do, But over the course of our relationship you stopped caring about my feelings. You didn’t care to communicate. You wanted to sweep all our problems under the rug. I’m not doing it. I’m not putting up with your shit anymore. Either treat me right or don’t treat me any way. Leave or get left if you won’t act right. You won’t continue to do things behind my back and lie to my face. You won’t continue to make me feel like shit because I’m upset from things you’ve done. I’ve become mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually drained. Either get your shit together or I’m done for good. You broke the last straw—so either you put more straws in my bin or I’m done for good.