Trying to let the hurt go

I met my ex in the most platonic way i thought we were meant to be i mean everything perfect. He knew what to say and made me smile . We moved in together real fast and then it went downhill. I still remember the first day he hit me then after that it just became so routine with the abuse and cheating and lies . I kept waiting for this man i fell in love with yo come back but it never did . I never had someone hurt me so bad physically and emotionally. I got tired of crying and decided to leave him . Maybe 3 months later he showed back up promising things have changed he is better yadda yadda and we had sex. The foloow my week i figures out it all was a lie he is in a new complete relationship and i feels so stupid . So hurt just like something died in me . I swore him out of my life .... then 2 months later I’m PREGNANT.... he told me to get a abortion and to handle it somehow :/ the worst thing you can say to a woman who always dreamed of a family. So now I’m 23 and going to be a single parent i don’t know how I’m going to do this alone . I don’t know what to expect. After my 3rd breakdown today i just need some reassurance from someone , anyone