Anyone else struggling to enjoy it?

So we had 2 losses last year. One in February 2017 and one in May 2017. We are now 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy but I’m really struggling to enjoy the pregnancy. I am so so anxious all the time.

Every movement I feel I’m thinking is it normal or is he in trouble and trying to tell me? I keep convincing myself something is going to happen to this baby as well and we won’t get to bring our baby home. If I don’t feel him for a few hours I start to really panic! Because I have anterior placenta I’ve waited longer to feel him move anyway.

I’m currently on bed rest with high blood pressure. I really want to enjoy being pregnant but I keep having all these pessimistic thoughts. I didn’t let us buy anything at all for the baby until 23 weeks and even then was panicking that we were jinxing it.

Anyone else feeling this way? Any advice on how to relax a bit?