so I'm feeling a bit off so to speak. I am 9weeks 4d pregnant with my 2nd baby, and so much is running through my head!... first thing, I went for my first prenatal at 9 weeks and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat, he said it's still early, and I'm assuming because I am bigger that probably plays a big part too, but I can't help but feel upset... this 2nd pregnancy is so different compared to my first, with my first I had already had our first ultrasound at 9 weeks, this time they said not until 12weeks... I guess I'm just really looking for that assurance that there is an actual baby in there, I have all the symptoms and everything its just my mind is just taking it's own road into panic.... my 2nd fear. when my first child was born we went through hell.. the first week of life we had her home maybe 2 days she was in hospital to cure her jaundice, then at her 1 week appt we were air lifted to a bigger hospital and later found out that she had VSD a congenital heart defect that could only be cured with major heart surgery.... at 4 months old she received open heart surgery and we almost lost her.... thankfully she is still with us and now a happy and healthy 2 year old but I still have major ptsd from that part of our lives and I'm so scared that our new baby will have the same issues, it's not hereditary and only 1 in 100 babies have a chd but it's still in the back of my mind you know? ... anyhoo that's my rant any other plus size mommy's or heart warrior parents have the same fear?... even if the new baby does have chd we would do everything we can to help our baby like we did with its big sister just really hope we don't have to... thank you everyone. please no negative comments. I am happy with my weight. and no the chd has nothing to do with my weight. yes I plan on getting healthier/excersising after baby is born, before I got pregnant I already lost 25lbs by changing what I ate and cutting out pop completely and i plan on continuing that life change.