MC aftermath

Well, I'm dealing with it. not sure how...but I just had a question for those who have suffered from a MC. Are you unable to be happy for other people who are pregnant , cannot stand to partake in other peoples baby showers because it hurts knowing it could've been you? My third MC just happened a over a week ago. I have a baby shower next month and know other people who are pregnant and will then happy baby showers also. I don't want to be rude and not go. They do not know about my miscarriages but I don't think I can handle it. (side note I'm not giving up, I just can't, I am ttc still now that the MC is over.) I just don't want to participate in other peoples happiness about their baby that's coming.its so harsh, but it honestly just hurts. it hurts knowing I could've been in that position 3 different times. I'm not a negative person and try not to be.but this whole situation is tearing me apart.