Please, don't be mean. I know I don't even deserve the air I'm breathing right now 😭

I'm in a LDR. My SO had just pushed back his move date, again. I was upset, and felt unimportant. Last night I met at guy at work (bartender in a restaurant). He was in town for work and staying at one of the hotels up the street. He invited me over when we closed, and I went. I slept with him. I immediately regretted it. I told my SO, and he left me. Rightfully so. I made a huge mistake. I love my SO, so much. I have no idea why I would do something so stupid. I ruined everything. He won't even talk to me... then again I wouldn't if I was him either. I hurt him. I hurt him so badly. I want to go back in time. I want to make this right. I feel like I don't even deserve to live anymore 😭