Shattered heart

I hate love... iv never had my heart broken and it’s awful and I don’t ever want to put myself through this again. Been together 4 years and the last year I just can tell he like has to try around me, no affection, no interest in me, kinda mean honestly. Asking what’s wrong literally starts the ww3 of fights but the other night he had a couple beers and took a sleeping pill and we were in bed and he just let it out. “I don’t love you anymore like I did” “I dont trust you at all” “I don’t even really like you as a person” etc... these have been the best the best 4 years of my life, I never thought I would be with anyone as special and wonderful as him. Deep down I knew it was me that has killed his happiness and the least selfish thing to do would be to end so he can go be happy... but I can’t... I’m in love with him, madly. Everyday I love him more and see the future and he’s in it. How could I have been so wrong... I hate emotional pain, I hate life right now