God saved me. Long story

Ever since I was a child I suffered lots of abuse sexually physically mentally, my father used drugs daily and my parents constantly fought (physically) my mother abused me she took out her anger between my dad and her on me when he would be at work. my aunts boyfriend sexually assaulted me from age 6-9 I would always cry alone and pray to a God that I was always told existed but wasn’t sure if he was real or listening but I was so alone and had so much comfort in my heart that someone was hearing me. As I got older in my teenage years I started experimenting with drugs such as marijuana, pills and alcohol. I also started experimenting with “boys” and started having sex at a very young age, at age 18 I had my first child by a man who was physically abusive I left him before my daughter was born I just knew if I stayed he would seriously harm me or worse my daughter. Soon I met a man I thought was wonderful he had a great job made good money and was absolutely perfect with my daughter I thought my prayers were answered for a good man sadly this man changed my life completely in a terrible way, i had no idea he was addicted to meth or I would have never allowed him around me or my daughter, I soon too became addicted and as soon as it started for me I couldn’t end it... Dhs took my daughter and i soon became depressed and stopped working and lost my apartment. I would sit with the drug in my hand steering at my daughters photos bawling and bagging God please help me please save me and I would cry and tell my daughter sorry but still use the drug. I lived in and out of my car and hotels and soon the addiction got worse I used everyday and I just couldn’t control myself or the addiction I prayed and asked God to help me But i never felt Gods presence I was so lost and I knew I had two choices either accept that I was addicted to meth and would be without my daughter which that alone killed me from the inside out and I couldn’t handle the depression of not having her anymore, so the second choice was to end my life, the addiction was so powerful and controlled my whole life that I knew that was my only escape, I remember being in a hotel room crying and bawling writing my suicide letter to my mother who was taking care of my daughter at that time I was crying so much that you could barely read what I wrote, I swallowed a handful of pills and headed to my car I was going to drive to a place where nobody would find me, i was bawling so hard while driving that I couldn’t see and I was starting to fall asleep I drove to a place by a river where not many ppl are around I could barely keep my eyes open I knew if I was going to do this I had to finish the bottle of pills, I grabbed the bottle and took the rest and I was crying out loud to God to please father forgive me for what I’m doing please bring me home and I bagged him to let my daughter know that I loved her so much and not to forget me. The last thing I remember before fading out was telling God help me!!! and I love you and I am sorry. Well he did help me I was found unconscious and I was taken to the hospital by ambulance where I was in the ICU for 3 weeks, my organs started to shut down I had no muscle control over my bladder I couldn’t see it was completely blurry for over a week when I woke up and I could walk without therapy. I was court ordered inpatient treatment 3 hours from my hometown where I successfully completed it and was sent back home where unfortunately I fell back to meth and things got worse again, for the next 9 months i used daily and lived in a abandoned house in the winter with no heat or running water, I had court coming for my daughter to have my rights terminated I again became extremely depressed and again thought of my suicide plan, this time I was going to hang myself so there wouldn’t be any chance of being found and saved i sat alone yelling at God telling him how much I hate him and if he knew everything then why would he of let this happen to me? Why has my whole life been absolutely terrible why if I am his child why would you do this to me? I then got mad at myself for ever even believing in a God I was mad at all the nights I cried to him and talked to him I was a fool for ever believing in him. I stayed up for hours mad at this I even took my bible and burned it.... I fell asleep and when I woke up I was upset to be alive another day upset I fell asleep and didn’t hang myself the night before I sat alone and just felt absolutely helpless literally drained just done with the way I was living done with meth done being homeless done not having food or clothes but mostly done letting another second go by without being my daughters mother I told God I am here lord I am sorry for what I have been doing forgive me for all my unrighteousness lead me and help me show me the way make this addiction go away I came to him with my arms opened wide I felt hope I felt strong I made myself detox which took 2 weeks and when I was feeling better I told God, lord if u can hear me please show me show me God because this is my last chance I said this to him as I was driving to a church, a church I’ve never been to before I sat and listened to the service I felt hopeful but still saddened and depressed, at the end of service they asked if anyone needed prayer to come up and so I did she asked me what I wanted prayer for so without hesitation I told her I’m an addict I have lost my child and my ways and I need help, the woman grabbed my hand and told me say no more and she started to pray, as she was praying more people joined and placed their hands on me and the as the woman spoke it brought tears to my eyes which soon I was bawling and I felt a feeling I’ve never felt in my life I was at peace a peace I’ve never felt before and I was then on the floor due to the Holy Spirit which I laid there for a good 10 mins bawling and I felt my soul pleading out to God i felt the Holy Spirit inside me which was a feeling I’ll never forget when I sat up I felt like I was reborn I felt the air in my lungs like I’ve never felt before I felt brand new, all the hurt shame and guilt was gone I was no longer saddened or hopeless I was full of light and most importantly the thought of meth was blocked it wasn’t a thought or a memory or a urge or desire I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to be high. God saved me he heard my cries and prayers he completely changed my life that day and ever since then things have been amazing this has now been over 5 years during this time I got my daughter back, full custody! met a great man and had a son and living a drug free life!! I’m sorry for such a long story which isn’t even the half of it! I just wanted to share my story!! If it weren’t for finding Jesus I would not be here and if I would of died the day I took the pills I know I wouldn’t of made it to heaven. Photos are when I was using and now and photos of my children.

When I had my daughter Aliannah

My son Elyjah

My gifts from God 💕

Blessed to be sober blessed for my savior and blessed for another day.