Comparing and insecurities

Every since my first boyfriend I have constantly been struggling with my insecurities. I’m not an affectionate huggy/kissy person however much I want to be and as I’m quite young I’m not ready to dive into anything sexual because tbh it scares me. I see all these other girls who are so pretty and affectionate and have nice relationships. I feel so different and so lonely because I’m not like that and I want to be like that. I’ve never felt so insecure about myself in my life and part of me blames it on my ex because he would bring up other girls meaning I would compare myself to them, he would send me photos of unreal girls, as I’m bi he thought I liked it because I like girls too? Like no it really upset me. He went on holiday and another girl gave him her number and he told me about it and lied about going to meet her to me just to purposely hurt me. All of this had added up to me feeling so insecure about myself i’m sat here crying thinking I will never find someone who I can have trust in and 100000% comfortable with. I feel because I’m not affectionate and loving and scared of all these sexual things that no one will be attracted to me. Even writing this feels like I haven’t explained it to the fullest and like words can’t describe how I feel about any of it and I feel like no one understands like ughhhh it’s so hard and genuinely heart breaking