For some reason I felt the need to share my breastfeeding journey so far. Mostly to get frustration off my chest and secondly to let other women out there who are maybe experiencing the same thing know they’re not alone, you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and everything will be ok (even when sometimes it seems like it won’t).

My little guy was born January 16th at 10lbs 1oz. Yeah he was a big guy. And with all those lbs came a big appetite. Right away he took to breast and had absolutely no problem whatsoever! He fed non stop and as tiring as it was I was able to keep up. So in the beginning I was one of those people that was like I don’t know why people say they can’t breastfeed it’s so easy...yeahhh now I look back and see how naive I was being.

Fast forward about six weeks. I was still breastfeeding, I was pumping (didn’t have a huge freezer stash but had three 16oz glass bottles on deck for feedings) and everything seem to be going good. Then all of a sudden one day he stopped wanting to nurse. I have no idea what happened he just was like “this ain’t for me anymore”. I talked about it with my OB/GYN and his pediatrician and no one seemed concerned so I just went on my merry way.

So we started bottle feedings. I would pump (which I absolutely HATE and dread). I would still try to nurse but he would throw an absolute fit every time. And it honestly was getting to be exhausting for the both of us. Then my milk supply started decreasing with every bottle feed. That nice little “stash” I had established was slowly dwindling away.

So the discouragement and frustration kicked in. I had to start supplementing his bottles with formula which absolutely killed me inside a little every time I had to pop that can open. Hated hooking myself up to a breast pump for countless hours every day to only produce about 2-3oz of milk every time when my guy was eating 8-10oz bottles. Not to mention the incredible amount of money and time I’ve spent on lactation treats, pills, teas/drinks, changing breast parts, trying different pumps, going to a lactation specialist, nipple shields, “breast like” bottles, etc... all for it to make no difference.

So after nights of trying to nurse my son with him refusing and crying over feeling like I failed him I had to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. I think everyone at this point knows that “breast is best” and even after this post someone will still comment on the fact lol. And you feel that if you don’t breastfeed the whole entire world is going to judge you. I want nothing more than to be able to nurse my son again. I miss that little time we had together. But I came to the realization that if he doesn’t want to nurse anymore...it’s...ok! I don’t want to waste anymore time trying to force something that’s taking away from my happiness of being a new mom to an incredible little boy. And everyone is going to have their opinions (I learned this very quickly). But in the end the only thing that matters is that my son is fed. And if some day he magically decides he wants to nurse again then that’s what we’ll do.

I say allllll of this just to let people know that everyone’s journey is so different/unique and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t ever let someone tell you that your way is the wrong way. And never feel like you’re alone in this, bc someone out there may be going through something similar. And I share this in hopes that it can help someone who’s on their last limb in their own breastfeeding journey. We women are amazing and it’s incredible what we’re capable of! Don’t ever let someone dull your shine!