What was worse during labour?

I had an episiotomy with my first. I wasn't asked, I didn't question it, they just cut me. The pain when the epidural wore off! My stitches then ripped and I got an infection. I couldn't walk properly for about 6 weeks.

I wonder would it have been different if I tore naturally.

Is it ever essential to have an episiotomy or can I down right refuse it for this labour?