I think this is my rainbow

I lost my son in May last year, he was born at 23+2 and he fought for a week. He lost his fight and my heart broke when he died. My partner and I have been ttc for a few months, last month I gave up on tracking my periods and testing because it stresses me and I stop enjoying sex which is kinda crucial when you're trying for a baby. Besides my cycles are all over the place, I'm on cycle day 46 today, wasn't worried as I've had 54 day cycles before. But for some reason I tested... and oh my god I see 2 lines.

I'm terrified and happy and worried that it's wrong, maybe I left it too long and it's evaporation. I don't even know why I tested, I'm gearing up to go back to work in 1 weeks and now I just want stay home.