This is a very long story, but I will keep it short as possible. Just telling the details of the things that happened to me. I have never told anybody outside of my family and friends. But I want other girls and women to know that there is hope.

My abuse started four months after we had began dating. At first he was the sweetest person I ever met. But he slowly started showing his true colors. Over the course of two years he would call me horrible names and scream at me. “You stupid bitch!” “You dumb whore!” “You fucking cunt!”

(I have depression and panic disorder) so he always liked to use “You fuckin low-life pill popper!” “Do you really want to be such an addict!?” “People write sad songs about dumb bitches like you!” “It’s all in you’re head, you fucking psycho!!” “You’re insane and I don’t know why you stay on meds that don’t do a thing to fix you!!”

He would threaten me if I made him angry “I’ll punch you right in the throat bitch!!” “You make me wanna drag you outta the house by your hair and beat the fuck outta you!” And he would make me feel awful if I didn’t pleasure him sexually, saying things like “you don’t care about anybody but your own damn self.” “You don’t care about me and you never have, have you!!” “I bet you’re getting it from somebody else and that’s why I don’t get anything, huh!?” “You’re a fucking cheater. I can’t stand you.”

There were many times I gave oral or had sex while crying. But crying made him angry, so I was always scared that he’d notice. I held back tears many times.

He would physically hurt me, more than anything else. The only things he never did were hit me or kick me, but he did threaten to punch me in the throat and threaten to beat some sense into me. I believed he actually would, so I did everything I could to please him.

I had been tackled to the ground many many times. He would hold me down and tell me to “stop being a pussy” and to stop crying because I “had absolutely no reason to.” If I didn’t stop crying he would slam my head into the hardwood floors. He had chased me through the house many times and one time I got thrown into the bathroom, making me bash my head and shoulder on the bathtub. I was constantly covered in bruises, either from being thrown into things, or from his strong grip on me. He would choke me and spit in my eyes. He’d thrown me into a wall that cause a GIANT hole in his apartment and he told me I did that, not him. He would lock me in his closet with him and force me to “talk things out” which just consisted of him screaming and telling me how worthless I was. He bit a chunk of skin out of my finger during a fight before. He would take my shoes, my keys, my phone, and lock the bedroom door so that I couldn’t escape his fits in any way. He was almost 3x my size, so I had no chance of getting out of his grip, or pushing him out of the way, and he knew this. He had slammed my fingers in a door when I was trying to leave one time. He tackled me outside his house and dragged me back in while I kicked and screamed, but I could never overpower him. I made him mad while he was driving one time and I said “screw this” and was going to get out of his truck. He grabbed my by the hair and yanked me back inside. He pulled me by the hair all the way down until my face was right in front of the break pedal, when I broke free of that my hair had been pulled so hard my scalp was bleeding.

There is much more but I don’t want to bore anybody with too much reading.

I did everything to obey and please him because when he wasn’t angry, he was nice, like in the beginning. I thought I could fix him, change how he reacted to things. This is not possible. We got into it one day and the cops were called, this was about the 5th time they were called on us from people seeing what was happening. “You can’t change a tiger’s stripes.” Is what the police officer told me. And I will never ever forget those words.

I am now in a very loving relationship. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, but my SO is very understanding and is showing me what real love is like. Everyday I am learning more, changing my perspective, and most of all I am healing.

Please feel free to comment your own experience, or if anybody wants to talk please include a username from Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, etc.

All are welcome to talk to me or comment below and I am a very good listener.

If you did read all of this, I thank you for listening to my story. xoxo