Angry and sad

J'aime • I`m 39 TTC. I`m married. I have endometriosis and lost three pregnancies in07`. And, we are ready for our 👶!
Okay, quickly the short version of me TTC! I got preggers at 32 but lost all three pregnancies, I have no children, but badly want to have my own family.  At 1st hubby didn't want any kids know he wants a family as well. I'm 39 & have endometriosis which left me with one ovary and numerous removal of cysts and a fibroid along with "cleaning me out". Anyway, I have a name I selected five years ago, it is very unique, well my younger cousin stole it!  I know I told her the name & thought I could trust her(obviously not) she claims she thought of it herself. She knows it was wrong but I know what they were thinking I'm to old and really doubt I'm going to have a child, and she was pregnant now(well she had her girl child & used my name) my blood boils when I think about it and had to cut her out of my life for a bit.  Like I said she knew it was wrong & that I am pissed! To say the least. I even made a little cross stitch baby pillow with the name on it bc it's been an up hill battle and that tiny little pillow gave me hope,something I could hold on when I got my period or didn't ovulate. Kinda like a talisman, something concrete I can hold when I'm down. It may sound silly but it was not to me! We were always close now I can't talk to her. I believe I'm justified in my anger and frustration.  I mean who does that! I feel it's the ultimate betrayal she knew/knows how badly I want a baby and even if we adopt that's the name I'm going with. She says well I don't think it's a problem we just tell everyone we both picked it out and we both fell in love with the name! When she never heard of it if I didn't open my big mouth!! How could she do this to me?!