Grieving Being Able to Labour?

Question

Hi ladies,
I am having a scheduled c-section in a week due to a low lying placenta, and I’m having a tough time dealing with the fact that I am not going to get to labour and deliver this baby as I had hoped.  I’m a first time Mom, and the baby’s health is most important to me, but I am feeling very, very sad that I am going to miss out on this experience.  Anybody else dealt/dealing with this?  Any tips?

Answer

I got to 6cm and had to have an emergency section. Well let me tell you how jealous I get of those who have natural labours! I am gutted that I never got to hold my baby as soon as he was born, that I couldn't change him. I never even got to give him his first feed due to complications! That hurt like a bitch let me tell you! And just to kick a woman when she was down they tell me they don't think I'll ever be able to give birth naturally 😒 People obviously say as long as baby is healthy it really doesn't matter how they are born and to am extent it is true but it still bloody guest to be robbed of what is supposed to be a natural thing for women to do

Answer

I had to have a C-section with my first baby because she was breech. It was planned, so I had a few weeks to prepare and come to terms with it. It was helpful talking to others who have had sections and I liked that I had a firm date ahead of time that I knew I would have my baby. She's 16 months now and I still get sad sometimes that I will never get to experience labor or a natural delivery (my hospital doesn't do VBACs). I'm currently pregnant with my second and I have additional worries about uterine rupture along my scar, but it is what it is. I'm 31 weeks and my second is also breech currently. I just say my babies want to be closer to my heart :) The best advice I have is to talk about what you want in the OR. I had to really fight for skin to skin (not just cheek to cheek) right after birth and ended up getting about 5 minutes of her on my chest before they took her to get cleaned up and weighed. It was not enough, but better than what they originally offered. Try and get up to walk as soon as possible and as often as you can. It's really hard at first but gets easier every time. That being said, pay attention to your limits and rest when you feel worn out.

Answer

My tip is to start listening to some affirmations/relaxation recordings to help keep you calm in the days leading up to your c-section, and calm on the day.
Although my situation is different (I laboured till fully dilated, pushed over two hours, had to have an immediate emergency c-section) I remained calm during the whole process, and feel this was beneficial for me and bubs with bonding and breastfeeding etc.
My other tip is to try and make peace with not labouring now, before you give birth. I ended up going through a grieving process afterwards, for about 8 weeks. My last tip is if you do grieve after birth, don’t beat yourself up about it, go with it, talk to people, what you feel is completely normal.

Answer

When our plans change, especially those that we have set our hearts on, studies and prepped for... it IS difficult.
 
I wanted to labor as naturally as possible, but at 42 weeks I still had not gone into labor or dilated.  I was induced and a good 36 hours later I was only at a 4.  A 4!  I ended up with an epidural, then a csection.
 
I was sad with how things ended up, but my son, now 13 months, was stubborn BUT healthy, the little bugger.  Hahahaha.
 
Honestly, talk to your doctor about a plan.  Include recovery for the first two months.  Ask them about the risks and what you can do to make the surgery and recovery easier for you and the baby.  Arm yourself with information.
 
I also advise have someone by your side.  If only to hold your hand.  They do not have to watch the surgery at all, just be your rock.  When they take the baby out and you hear their cry for the first time, it is really amazing.  For me they checked my son out first and then would have offered skin to skin (I personally had issues and went into a bit of shock, so my husband did the skin to skin which I was jealous about but now I know it was a very special moment for my husband.).
 
Your surgery is scheduled, so from what I hear, usually much easier and calmer.  (Hugs). You can do this!

Answer

It is completely normal to feel that way. I ended up having an emergency c-section with my son because he was covered with meconium (poop) and his heart rate kept dropping. I had gotten to 5 cm by that point. I was disappointed that I couldn't deliver vaginally but in the end the important thing was his health. This time around I have to have another c-section (my dr won't do VBACs) and I have accepted it although I am still a little disappointed. But once your baby arrives you will soon get over the feeling, being a good mom and having a healthy baby is ultimately what is most important.

Answer

I’m kinda feeling the same way...I may or may not have to have a c-section. It really depends on how big my son is once we get to that point. I’m having some serious anxiety over it and I still have 15 weeks to go. 
I want that experience....but I’m like you, the heath of my baby is more important. It’s just being a FTM, it’s something I wanna have.

Answer

I was upset at first as I was being rolled into the operating room for an emergency c section with my first child. With my second, I was given the option to have a vaginal birth but i opted for the c section again! I’m so happy that her arrival is scheduled and planned ahead of time and relieved that there’s no chance of complications associated with being induced or traveling through the birth canal, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m very relieved that I didn’t have to experience pushing (it sucks that I endured 8 hours of contractions tho) and that i won’t have to again! There is a bright side! Take your time to be sad, but know that all that matters is what’s best for the baby and having a c section doesn’t make you any less of a mother and it does not invalidate your birthing process! ❤️

Grieving Being Able to Labour?

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