Has anyone ever been scared of getting married?
I'm not afraid of commitment, but I am afraid of being hurt.
Growing up, I had to watch my mom suffer from being in a marriage that made her unhappy. My dad was overseas while my mom was here in the US with my siblings and me, and he cheated on her three times. THREE times. She decided to stay with him. He knew their marriage would be over and he wouldn't see us kids anymore so he quit his job, came back home, and tried to save his marriage. But it didn't stop there. He was watching porn obsessively, including live cam girls, and was caught multiple times by my mom. She's still with him and now my dad is extremely ill and she's suffering in other ways. I love my dad, but he has never been the man to show me how a woman deserves to be treated.
My sister (almost 2 years older than me) has been abused verbally and emotionally in two of her longest relationships, including her marriage with my BIL. They both cheated on each other before getting married, and he only did it to get back at her. They're married but their relationship is dysfunctional. They also struggle with porn.
My first relationship and ex was also emotionally and verbally abusive. We struggled with porn a lot, in addition to lying and cheating. My second and current bf has been the same thing, but I can tell he is genuinely sorry and is working hard to make our relationship better.
He said he wants to marry me. It has been a dream of mine to marry and start a family, but the older I get, the more it seems like that--a dream. I have never seen a healthy, stable relationship, and I honestly think I can never like porn or trust any man after watching my parents' and sister's marriage fall to shit, and after being in relationships similar to them.
I don't want to get my heart broken even more than I have. Has anyone been through anything similar?