Depressed over 2nd MC

I’m 38 and we just suffered our second loss yesterday. Why does life have to be so bad??? I am beyond depressed. One was in December when we found out at our nine week ultrasound they’re was no heartbeat. It was a missed miscarriage bc I had no symptoms.the baby died at 8 w. 4 days. I had to have a d&c.; It took a while just to heal from that. Then two months later I was happy to have gotten pregnant again so fast. At 6 w 4 days we heard the HB and it was amazing. We never heard the other one. The baby was supposed to be born on my brothers bday (11/13)... well yesterday at what was supposed to be our 9 w 1 day ultrasound we find out baby stopped growing at 6 w 5 days literally one day after we heard HB. I’m really sad and and depressed right now. I always said I might be able to handle one loss but two?? Why me? If there is such a thing as a god why show me a heartbeat and then take it away from us. My husband kept telling me when I worrrid that everything would be fine. He was my rock. I saw tears in his eyes yesterday morning. We are both empty. I don’t know what to do or how to deal with this. I’ll be 39 in 3 months. I can’t keep going through this. I would be such a great mom and want to be one not just to angels. I’m looking for a support group and fertility specialist. Having a second ultrasound Monday and then D&C; again on Wednesday. I feel so down I don’t want to do anything. My spirit Is crushed. I don’t want to go back to work or do anything. I feel so bad for this baby that he/she had a heartbeat and I feel like I killed it. I did everything right . I went to get testing for my HCG levels and everything was doubling wel they put me on thyroid meds and I never skipped it once... also took progesterone supplements ... I stopped caffeine and ate as many fruits veggies as possible. My doc once again said I didn’t cause this and then told me “it’s bad luck” which is how I knew I need a new doctor. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m broken to pieces.