For anyone that wants to read a story about my horrible stepdad

I’m 18 need healing from my childhood I think I have some mental issues. I’m constantly over thinking I can’t seem to enjoy the moment. I can’t focus I feel like some things aren’t real. I worry a lot.... I don’t know who to see or if therapy would help. This is my story:

My mom and real dad had a toxic relationship he was a drunk and I’d hear constant yelling constant fighting all the time. My mom was always crying. When I was ten years old my mom left my dad and drove five hours away with me to go stay with some guy she met on the internet. He was horribly rude to me and I never liked him he would say things like I’m gonna marry your mom and I’m gonna take your mom away from you. He’d always yell at me and be in my face and talk crap about everything I did to my mom. He hated me. I was constantly getting dirty looks and he made me feel like I was a bother to be around. My mom and him made me feel guilty when they’d by me stuff, even like food so I still constantly feel like I don’t deserve a lot of things. When I was about 16 I lost my virginity to a guy i had been dating for about 6 or 7 Months well he broke up with me and I told my mom how I lost my virginity and he told me I’m nasty a hoe and disgusting and that I wasnt allowed to use there bathroom anymore or shower in it and kept making dirty hoe jokes like this one time my mom made hot dogs and I said I didn’t want any and he said well you sure liked (dudes name’s) and everytime id leave to hangout with a friend he would say things like dont be out sucking dick or tell my mom I’m just going to hook up with boys then when I got back he would ask what guy I hooked up with now or if we went to the movies who I gave a handjob to. And I was in no way a hoe back then so it really affected me when he said these things. I thought I really loved the dude too so when he dumped me I took it really hard we ended up getting back togenter a few times itd only last a week and I’d be Devastated Everytime. Our relationship is a whole other story that I don’t feel like talking about but it led to my depression led me to the wrong kinds of friends and let me to start drinking and popping pills. ( I stopped as soon as I met my current boyfriend, he refused to date someone who did those so I quit) anyway I was in this huge depression and I felt like I had no one none of my friends ever noticed I was sad I even started crying in front of a friend and she didn’t even care she asked me what was wrong and I said I feel depressed and she walked away from me and paid attention to her other friends so I ran back home and tried to kill myself but my roommate noticed and started banging on the door. Well a week later my stepdad had a container of bleach and opened it and shoved it in my face and told me to take a swig. There was also another night where me and my friend were gonna go out for her birthday and she spent all this time doing my makeup and hair and as soon as we were gonna leave my stepdad took a wet rag to my face and I pushed him and he started punching me and shoving me into the door.

He also cheats on my mom with women on the internet and there relationship is just completely toxic. He’s ten years younger than her.

At 17 I moved out to live with the boyfriend I’m with now well I recently moved back in for temporarily and I’m pregnant now and my stepdad is constantly saying odd things like my butt has gotten bigger and keeps making comments on my boobs. And he will look at me and be like “boobies”