My mental health

I’m posting this post to have a vent and let it out, let’s go back to a 11 year old me watching my mum go through a really abusive relationship and not being able to do anything to help her or protect her and my 4 siblings as I’m eldest of the five, four years up the line I’m fifteen I’m drinking smoking week and doing cocaine always falling out with my mum and suffering with bad depression , I start sofa surfing and get into a bad crowd , now fast forward two years I’m 17 nearly 18 living in a hostel for young homeless people I’m in a relationship and I think I’ve found the love of my life he regularly hits me , but that’s ok cause he loves me or so I think a month down the line it’s February 13th 2016 7am I tell my partner I’m pregnant I’m over the moon , he’s not so he goes out 3:47 pm we get into an argument he beats me worse than before throws me into a wardrobe I fall to the floor he kicks me repeatedly in the stomach and in the face an hour later I start bleeding on the 14th in hospital at 2:57am it’s confirmed I’ve had a miscarriage fast forward a couple day it’s the 24th February two days before my birthday I finally cut the relationship off he’s mad he posts revenge porn all over Facebook I’m disgusted and distraught it sends me into a mental breakdown but let’s skip a couple years it’s 2017 September to be exact I’m in a better place no longer on anti depressants in a healthy relationship in my own flat it’s all good I’m loving life until October Friday 13th I go for a drive with some friends I’m last to be dropped off home I’m sexually assaulted by my ‘friend’ I’m distraught the police are contacted I’m thrown back into depression head first a month it’s the end of November I find out I’m pregnant with my boyfriends baby and I’m happy again but he doesn’t want the baby so he leaves me but thats ok I can do this I don’t need him it’s now December Christmas time I’m getting there taking each day as it comes it’s the 26th December I’m around 9 weeks pregnant but I’m suffering with bad cramps I’m in pain and at Boxing Day dinner I start bleeding , I’m rushed to hospital I’ve had another miscarriage and I feel like I can’t live anymore this year I’ve already tried to take my own life three times but I take each day as it comes and I’m now starting to know my worth we as women are strong and we go through so much we put up with more than we give ourselves credit for but this was nearly to get it off my chest and to make you all aware women are strong and no matter what your going through or you’ve been trough you CAN do this I believe in you