Pregnant and hating my body

I know I should be loving my body because I’m creating life but let’s be honest here. I hate what I see in the mirror. I grew up with a mother who wanted me to be perfect so the slightest weight gain was always talked about and she would always tell me I was eating too much. So I developed an eating disorder and have struggled on and off with it and my body dysmorphia for years.

I had been doing better now that I’m pregnant but some days I can’t look at myself. And today I heard my husband’s grandma talking about how I ate a whole watermelon by myself. First of all, it took my three days and it was a personal size watermelon. Second of all I barely get any of the nutrients I need because we can’t afford our own groceries and she doesn’t want to buy anything except for junk that she eats. I can’t do the grocery shopping because of my pain lately and certainly can’t stand up long enough to cook. Yet the second i eat something she mocks me for how much I eat. I just don’t know what to do because nothing is ever good enough for anyone else.