confused

Hey ladies so I want your opinion on something that I cant figure out. So Im 21 years old Im with someone 5 months. He wants things between us to get serius at some point in the future. The point is that for now we cant get it serius cause things economichaly are not so fine and of course we cant hqve a child and I was always saying that i dont wanna have kids especialy now but why I deeply wish to get pregnat is all i can think even if I dont want to. Why I feel like that?