Do babies really bring on the worst?

Question

Hi ladies! I’m currently 33 weeks with a little boy. This is the first child for both my fiancé and I. 
Our one year anniversary will be in June, just a few weeks after our little boy is due to be here. 
Now, let me start off by saying, this child was very much prayed for, wanted, and planned. I have PCOS (not overweight, nor diabetic, but have two brothers with Type 1 diabetes) and a uterine abnormality so we weren’t a 100% sure having kids would be in the cards for us, but we really wanted them! The doctor was also concerned that it would only become harder to carry to term as I got older (I’m only 20), if I could at all. So we decided we’d get started as soon as we could. 
We never expected it to take happen as soon it did. We’d been dating for 3 months and it took one month of trying. 😅 
I started having unexplained bleeding so I actually had to quit my job (I hadn’t been there long and didn’t feel comfortable asking them to hold my position) and go on bed rest for three months. I still haven’t felt comfortable going back to work as I’m a CNA and that can be physically grueling depending on the facility/setting. So we already had to come to terms with living as a one income budget family. That was very difficult.
But lately, I’ve been feeling very... not regretful, but guilty that maybe this was too soon. Like maybe my SO and I should of had more time together as just us. I almost feel like my issues pushed him into thinking he had to have kids now or he would never get them if he wanted to be with me. I can’t shake it. 
Obviously no relationship is perfect, but I really do love him and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. He just feels like home, ya know? 
He has been nothing but wonderfully supportive (even helping me with all the ‘SAHM’ duties while working more than full time hours to save up vacation time for paternity leave) and is excited for our son, too. But I can tell he’s pretty worried about how our relationship is going to change after our son is here. I’m worried, too. 
We just really don’t want to lose each other and end up resenting/hating each other. I guess it’s just the stigma/stories that babies really do make everything harder and tear couples apart. 
So any uplifting stories or advice on how to keep a loving relationship with your partner once baby is born? 
Thanks ladies!
Sincerely, 
A worried mama to be 😅

Answer

Honestly I’ve never seen a child ruin a relationship that wasn’t already on the rocks before they came along. I never did believe that saying that children bring out the worst.

Answer

It’s going to be stressful, you two barely had time to get to know each other. A lot of relationships start with a pregnancy though, and they stay strong and happy. It depends on how well you two work together.

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Children are never the problem. Someone wasn't ready for them in the first place.

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This is my post! Thanks for all the insightful comments ladies! I guess I should have made it clear that I don’t feel rocky in the least bit. In fact, i feel as if we have a pretty solid foundation for how brief our relationship has been. Also, we did date for a short while in high school so it’s not as if he was a stranger before our relationship began. I guess I’m just nervous for such a big change as we do love each other so much and I want to make this transition to parenthood as smooth as possible for both of us. We communicate pretty well so I was just wondering if there was something we should be addressing or talking about beforehand? Like anything you personally wish you had spoke about with your partner before hand? I think part of my guilt stems from thinking of all the things I am giving up(I know, how horrible of me), and then realizing so is he and he didn’t really HAVE to (he could of found someone else and had kids on his own schedule, not the one of my declining fertility). I don’t know. Thanks to the ladies who made me feel better and gave great advice/tips tho! Not so much to the ladies who told me we’re doomed to fail as I wasn’t looking for anyone to tell me I/we did anything wrong, but for pointers as to more easily transition into parenthood from a relationship perspective. That kind of attitude doesn’t make a lot of sense as some women worry if they’ll fail as mothers and if they’re worrying, it’s cause they know they’re already failing? I’m pretty sure this is a natural instinct. But best vibes to everyone and thank you for the helpful advice! 🖤

Answer

I think we all feel this way. Don’t feel guilty. It’s part of human nature. Babies are hard work but amazing. My husband and I went through a lot of stuff in the past year. It was rough to the point of almost divorce. But. We stuck through it. Therapy and God. Anyways, we decided to bring new life into the home (already have a 12 and 9year old). We got pregnant the first month.  I didn’t expect it to happen so quick. I thought I had a few months to prepare haha. Guess not. It happened and there are days where I’m like “ugh starting over again with a baby” and days where I’m like “I’m super excited !”  It’s totally fine to feel this way. Things will be different with a baby. You and your husband will have to just learn how to make time for each other. Ask someone to watch the baby at least once a month while you go on a date. Works wonders.

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yes it sounds like it was way to soon. kids forever changed mine for the worst. he thought he was ready. he was not. we will see this time around in this relationship. but if you feel that way then that's probably because you know it deep down it was to soon.

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My husband and I got pregnant after only dating for 5 months ( missed one pill and ended up pregnant) but it really did make us a stronger couple. By what you’re saying you two seem like a great match and I think it’ll all work out okay! Don’t compare anyone else’s situation to yours because everyone is different. Most couples that say a baby ruined their relationship already had prior problems before having a baby in my experience. Just love each other, continue to learn about each other and take it one step at a time 😊

Answer

I don’t mean for this to sound rude AT ALL, but could the tension you feel be stemming from the fact that you didn’t have much of a foundation with your SO to begin with? Two months is crazy fast to be having kids with someone who is essentially a stranger to you. 
Children will undoubtedly change your relationship, but no relationship stays the same as it was in the beginning for long anyway— that’s why they call it the honeymoon phase! If you’re worried about changes between the two of you, I’d say it might be because the relationship is so new itself, in addition to the pregnancy. 
Given the situation, this all sounds totally normal to me! Probably just overly worried because of the hormones. When you guys have your baby in your arms, things will be perfect 😊

Answer

Me and my now husband conceived my son about 3 weeks after meeting each other. It was not planned, a very big surprise but, We’ve been together for over 4 years now and he is still the love of my life. Sometimes it is hard because your still getting to know different things about about him. And him with you, the best thing to do is have a lot of communication with each other. Having a baby can be stressful with those night feedings come in, or your just exhausted and want a break. Make sure you talk with him and let him know how you are feeling about it. I hope this helps there is always going to be the good and the bad. Just try to keep your head up and enjoy making amazing memories with you man and baby😘

Answer

It is so hard raising a child during that first year. But having your SO makes it so much easier. There will be times where you'll drive each other absolutely mad, but that's due to sleep deprivation.
My fiancé and I went through two big moves, living together for the first time, having a preemie baby (in NICU for 36 days), and being on one small income, all in the same year. We are closer than ever now. We had quite a few big fights, but we belong together, and we fought for each other every day. Things got so much better once we figured out a way to do things that worked for us.

Do babies really bring on the worst?

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