Depression

I dont like admitting that I have depression because it’s embarrassing knowing that my life is amazing. I have a best friend, ive found the love of my life and my parents are more then what i could ever ask for. Theres nothing to complain about yet im upset. Im tired. I just want to sleep and eat. Ive gained about 25 pounds since after high school and i hate it. I cry over my body but i dont do anything about it. I literally bought a gym membership and was so excited but the thought of stepping in there gives me anxiety. I fucking hate feeling like this!! I randomly get upset and cry and ignore my bf and then i end up feeling shitty bc i know he deserves better. Idk what to do anymore about it. No matter what how happy i am or everyone else its like something pulls me back. I never wanna go out to hang out with friends im just a mess.. a couple days ago i had a melt down at work and explained to some co workers what is going in.. and they were so surprised and now i feel exposed af bc i was so sure they knew about if. Idk just wanted to rant a little bc depression is a bitch. Im happy its not any worse. But whatever it is is killing me.