Dear ex bestfriend

Fuck you. Just, fuck you.

You always told me you loved me no matter what. You always told me I was your bestfriend. You told me nothing would break us, or tear us apart.

But.. you lied. You found out who I was dating, and you fucked me over. You tried blackmailing me. You threatened to tell my mom I was bisexual.

Am I hurting from this? No, not really. Because i know you were just controlling me. You tried changing me to better yourself. You told me you were going to focus on bettering your relationship with God before continuing our friendship, I said okay, i knew you were controlling me too much at that point. But you still tried. Tried hanging out with me when I already had plans. You knew good and well I make plans at the speed of light, and yet you got upset when I already had plans. You pushed everyone away, even your own boyfriend, to focus on God more, and by no means am i saying that’s a bad thing, but you pushed me away. The only person that ever attempted to stay. That’s what hurt.

I’m over it now, you’re just someone I used to know. I’m happy, dating the person I’m completely in love with. My mom still doesn’t know, my dad and brother don’t know, but their time is coming. They’ll find out soon enough. But damnit, they’ll know when I’m ready to tell them. Not when you’re ready for me to become the family disappointment. Not when you say so. Because you do not own me. You told me depression is in my head, that you beat it, so i could too. I didn’t need antidepressants, for God’s sake, pills won’t make me better.

You were both right and wrong when you told me that. Wrong because if I was going to continue being your friend, letting you control me like you did, I was gonna need more than a few antidepressants. But you were right, because my significant other is my antidepressant. He makes me smile, real smiles. And get this, I don’t turn into a zombie with him. I don’t become emotionless. Sure I have off days, but so does he and we work through them together. I don’t need pills to make me happy again, I have a person for that, and he makes me truly happy. I walk away from him smiling my ass off because I’ve never been so happy. I know, you shouldn’t base your happiness on a person, because people always leave. Well, my happiness isn’t based off him, it’s rooted in him. He is the happiness, the source, he’s the reason I quit cutting, why I try to eat like I don’t have problems consuming calories. You never cared about that, you tried “fixing” me by telling me how I’m fine. You did not know how I was feeling. It hurt when my “bestfriend” told me my eating disorder was just a little diet. It hurt me when you found out I had cut, and you basically yelled at me for not telling you, then never spoke of it again. I wasn’t the only one who ended up resigning my trying card. You had done that long before.

I’m not hurt, not anymore. I’m happy. Happy with my life and with who I am as a person.

And FYI, just because I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I’m not a Christian. I’m sorry I’m not “perfect” like you claim to be.

Sincerely,

Your ex bestfriend