Words I never wanted to say: My first miscarriage

Found out I was pregnant Monday and was so excited. My husband had just left for a business trip and wouldn’t be back till Friday so I just had to tell him over the phone. I told my sister and best friend as well. Being the anxious person I am, I kept peeing on a stick wanting to see the positive get darker. Tuesday , it did. Wednesday it did not. And Thursday, the day of my first appointment I ended up getting a bad stick and not even one line showed up. I started getting this weird feeling that something was wrong. I worked myself into a tizzy by going on google. I was only relaxed by thought that my doctors appt was that day and atleast I was going in. Then: I started bleeding. At the doctors. They immediately sent me for blood work and an ultrasound. 4 1/2 hours later I was given the result: I had just miscarried. I was by myself the whole day panicked and now my heart is so sad. I know they are common, but it doesn’t hurt any less knowing that. The doctor said they are so common in first pregnancy’s they almost expect them. Now I feel like I have my full on period and it’s just a sad reminder of all the lost possibilities I had even just a few days ago. I read somewhere that baby’s who don’t stick just were not strong enough and most likely had abnormalitys. That’s why your body rejects them- it knows something is wrong. The rational scientific side of me gets comfort from knowing that but my emotional side is still doing all the “what if’s” . Just needed to vent a little.