Dear sister in law

I am so sorry that I can’t be as emotionally involved in your pregnancy as I would like to be. I’m sorry that I can’t be happy for you and my niece/nephew. It’s just been really hard for us. Trying to have a baby for more than a year and nothing. And you getting pregnant accidentally and not even wanting one at the moment makes me wanna cry. I can’t stand our family asking me if I’m excited to be an aunt, I can’t stand watching everyone be happy and plan a baby shower. Because I want it to be me. And it’s not. So I’m sorry that I feel this way and I wish I didn’t but I do.