Letting Go. Please Help!!!

Hi ladies. I’m asking for advice on an issue I’ve been struggling with for over a year now. If you like a complicated story and some drama, please keep reading and let me know what you think.

In November of 2016, I met a man who would forever change my life and the way I view the world. He was perfect. Beautiful, smart, creative, athletic, talented, sexual, funny. You get it. Anyway, his name is Evan, and I was so blindsided by him and his pure love and didn’t know how to react.

I had just started seeing my ex again when we met. His name is Jake and we started dating in 2014. I live in Hawai’i and we moved here together in 2015. Evan and I spent almost ten months together, he treated me like a queen and was never mean or rude to me in any way. We were interrupted every few months by Jake. It seemed when I was with Evan, I would think about Jake all the time, like we still had unfinished business.

To make a long story short, I left Evan last August. It was my birthday, and I broke up with the love of my life that day to get back together with Jake. Two weeks into it, I started thinking about Evan and how great he is and I still dream about him and think about him so much to this day. But now Evan won’t talk to me at all and has blocked me on most social media accounts and blocked my phone number. Jake moved back in with me about a month ago, and I can’t shake this feeling that I’m doing the wrong thing. I also have a history of self-sabotage, and Jake and I have a history of being volatile and physical and fighting and I think I just might be done with that part of my life. I’m turning 26 this year. But I’m scared to tell Jake to leave (he helps pay my rent) and I’m scared Evan will never even want to talk to me or see me again (he’s told me I’m the only woman he’s ever loved and I know I can trust everything he says.) But, basically, I need to let go and embrace the change in one way or the other, once and for all. Should I let Jake go and try to contact Evan and tell him how I feel? Should I let Evan go because he doesn’t even speak to me and he probably knows by now that I’m dating Jake again? Or should I let them all go and be alone and try to focus on myself instead of men and drama? I need opinions =)