I really have no where else to turn because no one else gets this.

Today my SIL and BIL welcomed their baby boy. He's prefect and beautiful. Im happy but hurt today and I know its silly but I am.

My husband and his dad share the same middle name so we have said from day one if we were blessed with a son one day we would love to continue that tradition. I know we aren't pregnant and we have no right to claim a name but to me since my husband and his dad share that I thought it would be super special since my FIL's real dads middle name was also the same. Today my husbands brother used that middle name for his son. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. It really hurts. And with that hurt its thrown me into all my other fertility insecurities.

I already feel broken 80% of the time. I'm surrounded by babies everyday at work. Everyday I'm told how great I am with the new borns and how lucky my kids must be. Too bad the closest to kids I have is 2 furkids.

I just feel completely hopeless right now. My husband is always super supportive but he doesn't see me the way I feel. I feel like this infertility is all my fault. I'm the one who can't ovulate I'm the one whose uterus can't suatain a pregnancy. I just feel like a failure. He says its just not the right time yet that there must be something more in store.

Everyone I talk to in my family says to pray. To pray and things will be better but I feel like they are going to deaf ears. Its been 28 months of trying and 28 months of heartache. I've done everything in suppose to do. I was diginosed with PCOS in February. I've done everything the pills, lose 10% body weight, changed the diets, monitored tempts, took opks, anything and everything I could do I've done. Yet nothing. No progress. No changes.

I feel like I'll never get that happy ending. I'll always just be a participant in everyone else's life. That I'll always be the cool aunt or the awesome godmother but never the mom.