If you read this, please don’t call me crazy or anything like that. But here it goes. I’m going to explain my life and thoughts to people.

I am 22 years old. I live with my parents and have a mediocre, minimum wage job. I don’t have any friends. I haven’t really had friends since I was 12. I always had “friends” at school but we never hung out or even talked outside of school. I have been incredibly lonely for most of my life and I can’t tell if I just like it that way or if I’m too insecure to meet people and hang out. So to cope with this loneliness, I become other people inside my head. I have thousands and thousands of characters in my mind and all day long I role play as them. It’s called maladaptive daydreaming. I would say I do this for about 80% of the time I’m awake. It doesn’t end. And I’m starting to feel the anxieties of these characters. One of them has PTSD and I’ve been experiencing those symptoms. If they’re going through any crisis, I go through it. I’ll have panic attacks and I’ll cry and scream and shake. I have anxiety as is but this takes it to a whole new level. I am anxious 24/7. I have become so immersed in other worlds that I dissociate and I’ll see my environment as something else. If I’m in my room and this happens, I’ll feel like I’m somewhere else completely and I’m stuck there. I know fully where I am when it happens but it doesn’t feel like it. I get nauseous and physically sick. This has been happening for years and it’s ruining my life. I just needed to say it. I’ve tried telling my mom before but I can’t physically say it without breaking down. Thanks for listening if anyone reads this.