This is nothing more than an emotional rant to clear my head so that i can get back to work.

Mother's Day is just around the corner I have to admit....I'm kind of dreading it. My mom is 1400 miles away & I miscarried February 1st. I will undoubtedly spend my Sunday wondering what could have been & wishing I could vegg on the couch with my mom watching awful Lifetime movies.

I've spent my entire adult life being ridiculously responsible. Stayed healthy, didn't sleep around, finished college without an unplanned pregnancy, stayed on birth control until i was 33, landed my dream job, married the man of my dreams at 34, moved into our first home at 35, and now we're struggling to conceive.

Our December pregnancy was a welcomed surprise since we had stopped all infertility treatments 5 months prior. So it goes without saying that I was completely devastated when the doctor told me that our baby's heart💓 had stopped beating at 11 weeks. Now I completely avoid going into our nursery, I can't look at all the baby stuff & crib without wondering if I've missed my chance at being a mother.

I just feel very lost today😭. I can't help but wonder what kind of amazing adventures we would have had as a family.