The Real Side of Struggling to Conceive

Trying to get pregnant is literally the most emotionally exhausting thing I’ve ever done. Every tiny little sign gets me excited. Thought I was having some implantation bleeding that just turned into a period and I’ve been crying for an hour straight. I can’t watch videos or see pictures of baby announcements, gender reveals, etc. because if I do I just cry and it takes so long to regain my composure. I have a terrible time telling my SO that my period has come and seeing the disappoint on his face. I just hope that it gets better. I just hope that I get my little like I’ve so desperately wanted since the day I can remember. Most people dream of going to college and having a kick ass career but all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom. And it seems like it’s just never going to happen. Praying that I get to be a mom one day and I won’t have to feel this way forever. It’s so hard to be patient and strong and have high hopes when every single month it all gets crushed and you feel heart break like you never have before. I know that I am meant to be a mom. I know I am. And it’s so hard to see people become parents who don’t deserve it. They do drugs, they neglect their children, they hurt them and kill them, abuse them, etc. and it’s just so easy for them to get pregnant without even thinking twice. I hear women talk about about wanting their pregnancy to be over and all I can think is that I would do anything to know what pregnancy is like. I see men walk out on their children and all I can think is that I would give anything to see my SO be a daddy. I look back and beat myself up every single day that I got on birth control that could most likely be the reason that it hasn’t happened for me yet. I really am happy for all you mamas out there and your beautiful babies. And all I can hope is that one day my time will come. I’m too scared to go to the doctor to even find out if it’s going to be possible. I have decided to wait till my SO and I have been officially trying for over a year but that time is creeping up so fast and I just don’t know if I’ll even be able to get myself to do it. I know that there are many other women who have been trying for so much longer. I know that it can take a healthy couple a year to conceive. I know that I probably should just stop worrying so much. But I just don’t know how much patience, hope and strength I have left. This is what I’ve experienced TTC and this is the side of TTC that many people don’t actually see. Or don’t want to. This is a struggle for so many women and it’s so hard. To all you women out there still trying, keep trying. Do everything you can until you’ve ran out of options. Because you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted and I hope that you get the baby you’ve always hoped for.