post partum

I feel like I've been in denial about having PPD. I've been too proud and embarrassed to admit it, even to myself. my baby is 10 months old and it's only getting worse. I cant afford a councilor and I absolutely refuse to go on antidepressants. its causing issues with my relationships and I've seemed to lose myself lately. I cant get motivated to do anything around the house or do physical activity. I dwell on every bad scenario I can come up with. any suggestions or coping methods?