TWW ugh

I’m in my TWW and have been trying so hard to be patient and trying so hard not to imagine symptoms. For example I’ve been very tired, of course I automatically think it’s a symptom. But my real issue is I made the mistake of testing this morning and I’m only 5 dpo. I told myself “don’t do it! If you do it don’t get your hopes up. It’s way too early”. Sure enough, it came out negative, clear as day. I tell myself not to get sad. But, of course I feel sad. Sometimes I think I subconsciously get this way so that I don’t get my hopes up. So that the hurt doesn’t hurt quite as much. Ughhhh