Help! How do I sort this out?!?!

Question

My husband says that his best friend is a girl he used to have sex with years ago. I have asked this girl to block him because he started being flirty. And she did. After that he complained for days how I ruined his life and took away his best friend. He said I now made him miserable. 
I have talked to her. I’m trying to get to know her. But still deep down it’s killing me. I hate this. I feel like I should be his best friend. I don’t see how someone who would never date him but have sex with him is someone to be friends with. She refused to date him them. 
I honestly feel like he loves her. Me and him fight all the time recently. And now he keeps saying if my attitude doesn’t change he’s going to leave because he can’t take anymore. (This girl has been around our entire relationship so I don’t think this part has to do with her)
Now that I have talked to her and she and him are talking again he’s being all sweet and wanting to talk. I have no desire to talk to him. I’m numb. My heart is broke. He doesn’t understand how I feel. All he cares about his himself.
And now I just found out he told her about our 2 miscarriages. He won’t even talk to me about them 😢 
Don’t judge just opinions please

Answer

Sorry to hear you're going through this. You shouldn't have to tell her to block your husband, your husband should not be flirting with her period. He is the problem after all, he should not be confiding in her about issues you havent discussed between you both.

Answer

He doesn’t need to talk to her. It’s not healthy. You and him need to talk and get on the same page. If he’s unwilling to put your feelings into consideration then speak go see a marriage counselor (if you go to church most preachers will talk to you for free) if that doesn’t work then I’d file for divorce. He’s choosing some fuck over his wife. This is unacceptable. 
I am truly sorry that he is treating you this way.

Answer

Doll if I were you I wouldn’t be able to deal with it either I’d feel exactly how you feel. I would probably just leave and I know that’s really hard since you’re married but I don’t see how that’s fair to you at all. It’s like he’s picking her over you and that’s not okay. He should be able to talk to you about everything not another woman. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this men can be such douche bags and not care about our feelings.

Answer

first. Why are you telling her to block him? second why aren't you confronting the "flirting" set boundaries.

Answer

I am not even going to bother to continue reading.. I got to the part where you ask her to block him then where he complain where you ruin his life... I mean what kind of shit is that.. let him go, and if you have kids then put child support on his ass for being an ass hole... YOU NEED TO BE RESPECTED...
I swear you girls...

Answer

I’m sorry to say this but I think this is a lose/lose situation for you that’s never going to end well. If I were you, I’d strongly consider ending the marriage and leaving him to pursue the person he actually wants - her. I’d never feel comfortable knowing that I’m second to another woman and feeling like I have to keep another woman around to please my husband. ☹️

Answer

oh hell no! Red Flag #1: There is NO good reason to be best friends with someone you had a sexual past with while being married/taken. I can't imagine anybody being okay with that. Red Flag #2 He is discussing his(& your) personal issues WITH HER rather than you, his SO. You don't EVER involve a 3rd party in your relationship. You sort things out together. Red flag #3: Flirting. Red Flag #4 rather than trying to understand your feelings, he's making threats to leave. That is not okay. I would NEVER tolerate any of the above & neither should you. I highly doubt he'd be okay if the positions were reversed.

Answer

Personally I believe your partner should be free to have friendships with the opposite sex.. HOWEVER, that goes hand in hand with the trust that they will not take advantage of that freedom. He took advantage of that freedom and broke the trust by being inappropriate with her, and he wants to blame YOU for “”ruining his life””? He simultaneously ruined his friendship AND his marriage when he decided to start crossing lines and flirting. 
As his wife, your relationship together should be more important than any other friendship he may have. But he’s showing you that SHE is his priority. From what he’s saying, he would more readily leave you, his own wife, than her. That’s wrong on so many levels. 
If you are willing, you could certainly look into counseling. However, he has to be willing to create firm boundaries and likely abolish this friendship if he wants to remain in this with you— and from what you describe, I don’t see him doing that. He doesn’t appear to have any understanding of what he did wrong; instead he’s playing the victim and making you out to be controlling/the “bad guy” when HE’S the one who ruined it for himself. If he doesn’t change that attitude and isn’t willing to see it from your perspective and make it work, then honestly, I wouldn’t be able to stay in it. I couldn’t live my life feeling like I was a consolation prize, and you shouldn’t either. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, to have someone who will put in the effort and do what it takes to keep you. 
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is totally understandable that you would feel heartbroken and numb at this point. As your husband, he should not be like this. He is SO wrong.

Answer

I think you have a right to feel the way you do. I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. More often than not your gut feeling is correct. Trust yourself and know your worth. I hope the best for you

Answer

Ok so sorry you’re going through that. I would be incredibly hurt as well. Sounds like he still has some feelings for her. It shouldn’t have put a strain on your relationship like that. Good luck & prayers!

Help! How do I sort this out?!?!

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