Worried About Becoming A Mom..

So I’ve been really wanting to start trying for a baby and get our family started. We are as prepared as we can be...but I’m worried because I don’t want to be like how my mom was. She’s a good mom but she would get so impatient, detached, would whip us (me and my siblings) over a messy room, yelled, cussed us out, threatened us, etc. My dad was awesome but because of work he was gone a lot, but he still was always the one taking us to school, cooked for us, played with us, etc. My mom got worse for a bit after they divorced...So I kinda had a traumatic childhood. Personality wise, I’m a pretty even mix between both my parents, I have both good and bad habits/traits. I notice though, that I tend to behave like my mom’s bad side from time to time and that really scares me. I also suffer from severe depression, ptsd and anxiety so that makes me nervous as well. I mean I’m not going to use that as an excuse at all, I’ll do everything in my power to raise my kids in a way that they don’t have to recover from their childhood. I’m also so awkward around babies and kids, I’m just not sure what to do with them. I feel I am nurturing, especially towards animals, but I guess towards kids...I just haven’t “unlocked” that yet haha. However, I have noticed if I get to be alone with kids for a while without the fear of someone looming over my shoulder, I am a lot more comfortable with them...I dunno anyways, people have told me it’ll be different when I do have a kid. Any ladies have a similar story? I would love to hear your experience(s) and advice!