it’s over

soo the title says it all.

i talked to this guy for like a month and it went all pretty well and i felt so good, but last week things got a bit messed up ( we didn’t fight but it was just complicated and stupid ) and i askss him what he wanted cause at the beginning of this, he told me that wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he didn’t want to disappoint me. i told him that it’d be okay and we’d figure it out, and everything was perfect. i was so happy, but last weekend we talked a bit and ( because i don’t know as well if i’m ready to be in a relationship ) i said that we should maybe end things before someone would get hurt and it was suddenly over and although i was the one who suggested it, i regretted it so much. i maybe still do. but first i was heartbroken cause it happened so quickly and i didn’t expect it to really happen, but yeah i was the one who said it. but yesterday we have talked about it for like 1.5 hour and it felt good, he’s like the most honest and sweet guy and he was so nervous to talk and felt so bad about disappointing me. but we talked very long, at first i tried to change it back and said that it was a mistake and that i wanted things to work out and stuff like that but i felt that he didn’t change his mind and that he still felt the same about it. we talked a lot and i asked him all the questions i wanted him to ask and i felt okay. now we can really be friends again, it’s not awkward anymore cause we both really want this friendship to work and we try to act normally. yesterday when i was laying in bed, i was so calm and felt so good. i was like you’re also not ready to be in a relationship and now you know it. so i was really okay with the friendship thing but when i woke up this morning he was the first thing i was thinking about and i felt really bad. i don’t know why this is, i’m really okay with us just being friends but still i don’t know, there’s a part of me that still makes me feel bad when i think of the memories and makes me wishing we’d make more memories, in a different way. it’s not that i was in love i guess but i really did like him. i don’t know what to do, because he moves on so easily and i want that too but i don’t know how.