Pregnancy and mental illness

This post may be really long and sporadic, so bear with me.

I am about 13 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. My husband and I have been trying relentlessly for over 2 years for this baby. So this was obviously a very planned and wanted pregnancy. However, since finding out that we are expecting, my mental health has completely tanked. I currently do not work and am too sick to go out anywhere. So I am really just at the house all day, suffering from severe morning sickness and other first trimester issues. I mention this because I’m sure it is probably an aid in my growing depression. I am just at a loss at what to do. I am so, so depressed. I have had depression and anxiety issues on and off for several years prior to this, and used to be on medication. I am wondering if I should consider going back on medication as I am starting to have suicidal thoughts. I wouldn’t act on them, I’m NOT suicidal, but the thoughts are there as I am just *that* miserable. Idk..idk what to do. I am also worried that this means my post-partum depression will be even worse.

Background: I am 21 years old, been with my husband for a total of 5 years, about 6 months married. He is shipping off to boot camp in the next few months.

There’s no real point to this post..just kinda putting my feelings out there. If anyone has any words of encouragement, advice, stories, etc. I am all ears. I am posting anonymous in case nobody says anything or if I only get negative comments but I will come off anon and respond if I see something to respond to.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.