help!!

okay I'm so depressed, lost, upset, everything, idk where to go or to turn my fiance's brother who is my son's uncle shot himself may 27th it was so hard for me the last time I seen him he was holding my son and smiling and saying he was his little buddy, I couldn't pull myself together to go to his funeral and say good bye, I been keeping everything held in trying to be the strong person being there for everyone else, I went to the doctors who perscibes my anti depressants, so she raised my depressants, my mood pills, and another pill to controls my hunger and to also help with my depression bc I haven't been sleeping well or anything stress eating but before everything I went two weeks with out my pills before I got them it got to the point where I said I was thinking about killing myself right now everything is still kind of ify I seen crying none stop getting emotional about everything I seriously hope everything calm down and I start feeling okay and better and not feel the way I have been 🤔😐😢