Toxic 3 year relationship

I’m lost in words about how I’m handling my emotions that’s all bunched up in a huge bag. I’ve been dealing with the same guy since high school. I graduated in 2016 and he graduated in 2017. 🙄 Ugh I know that age crap is lame but yes I’m older than him. Now we have been thought a count less number of things since we’ve gotten together. We all know that high school little love never last that long half the time. But we managed it so far. We’ve had many arguments, fights not really any disagreements but arguments over really small things. In January of his year 2018 I lost my job, I lost my car and I was placed in a mental facility do to obsessively stress, anger and dealing with him and the abuse that I was getting myself into. I was their for about a week maybe two. Just to get myself together and build myself a better me. Now mind you I couldn’t talk to him or anyone nor family members while I was away. When I was their I felt good and happy I lost weight I stoped smoking and I was eating healthy. When I got out I end up going right back to him and i see the whole things is starting all over again. I mad a huge mistake and letting myself and my heart go back to him after everything we been through. It’s so much that been going on it’s crazy. I love to work I love money I love to look nice from head to toe. Now I’m back on bills after bills. My part time job is not helping. And he jumping from job to job. Either he don’t want to go or it’s a excuse on why he can’t go. And I really need help. I’m stuck in this all and it’s even more to come. My self esteem is low I don’t feel like myself. We don’t make love like I would want, he don’t rub my feet or show me that he is a man and I’m being a dum ass and not leaving. He calls me fat he don’t want me to take care of my self I can’t even take many showers with out him saying something I just like to be clean. I’m so stress I’m so over a lot but it’s so hard for me to walk away. I don’t know what else I can do. I need help and I need answers. Please