Having a rough time

Each day I just seem to be getting worse and worse. I want to be a mom more than anything in life. Seeing woman become pregnant makes me jealous and seeing new babies just make my ovaries scream. I know that I shouldn’t be jealous but it hurts me to even go to friends baby showers.

Every year when June hits I become more depressed than normal. My emotions are out of control and I’m not fun to be around. Back in September of 2010 I became pregnant with my then boyfriend of 3 months. I was so scared even at the age of 20 I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mom. I went to the clinic to see what was happening and they told me that I was due on June 18th. I let my boyfriends family convince me that having an abortion would be the right then for him and I. So at 5 weeks pregnant I went and had it done. To this day I cry about it over and over. I can’t seem to let go of the fact that what if I lost my only chance at being a mom.

Fast forward to present day. I am now 27 years old and married to a wonderful man(not the one I dated when I was 20). Just recently in March I had a miscarriage. I have had ultrasounds done of my uterus and ovaries. They tell me that everything looks great and functioning like they should be. They now have me taking metaformin twice a day.

I’m doing my very best to stay positive and keep telling myself that good things come to those who wait but how long do I need to wait. My heart is hurting and wanting a child of my own. A child that I will carry in my womb. I just want it to be our turn. Our turn to raise a child.