MIL Entitled to my Son? Update
Her visit today ended worse than I’d imagined. She came, I demanded my apology and then she wanted one. I refused but told her she could still have him. She said about how hurt she was that I was talking to her that way (even my husband said I was just responding and defending myself). She told us she doesn’t care and never did care about my husband. She only wants a relationship with our 8 month old. We told her it was all or none of us and she said she had rights to him. She doesn’t. We told her that. She slightly changed her tune but said so many nasty things about how she didn’t care about either of her own sons before this little info came out about grandparent’s rights not being an actual possibility unless under very specific circumstances (my friend went through something similar with her father and my aunt works for the civil court). She walked away with the understanding that she will not be getting my son at all for now. I think there’s a possibility she’s drinking again and I don’t trust her to be alone with my LO at all. I vow to be a better mother to my son than she is to hers (the bar isn’t very high at this point) and protecting him from this toxicity is what needs to happen at the moment.
My husband and MiL have had a strained relationship for well over a decade. We have a wonderful relationship with my parents and while his mom was abusive, my parents kind of stepped up and helped him when he was in HS. (He’s 32 now.) Since I was a kid, we have always had Sunday dinner at 5:30 each week. She never really contacted us and when we spoke to her, it was like she couldn’t be bothered but things weren’t awful because we had our own place and were married and owe her nothing. She watches my son during the school year every other Friday (I’m a teacher) and when school ended, she said she still wanted him. I politely told her to let me know the days she was off and we could find some time but that my best friend is off every Friday and we spend a lot of Friday afternoons over there. She replied that she could bring him over to me. I just told her it would depend on the day and we’d have to see. I told her she could have him 4 hours from 8-12 on Friday as we were berry picking with my friend and her kids. She flipped. She text my husband and said I told her she could have him and now she can’t. I called and started with (in a polite voice because I thought it was a misunderstanding) that if she is upset, she just had to tell me that and I reiterated that she could have him from 8-12. She proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t fair my friend got to see him and not her and when I said it’s an experience I want to have with him, she told me I could just go by myself and he didn’t need to be there. She attacked my good relationship with my mom and accused me of doing things with my mom and not her. (We went to the zoo once because my brother wanted to take his son and invited us all.) Two weekends ago, we took my MiL to a casino resort for her birthday, paid for her room, and spent the weekend with her. I told her she could have him 8-12 on Friday AND I was planning on seeing if she wanted to watch him on Saturday from 4-9 so we could go to a nice dinner and movie for Fathers Day. We also have had plans for months now for her to have him all day next Saturday and all night because my husband and I are both in a wedding. She is stopping by tomorrow to pick up her Tupperware order and I plan to tell her that she can have him all those times still, if she apologizes for her behavior towards me as this behavior is completely unwarranted. I just get so few days with him (I have three trainings for three full days this week to put thing into perspective) and I shouldn’t have to give him up to her for full days like this. I just don’t know why she’s treating me like this. She was downright nasty to me, even going as far to tell me my mom cares about my nephew more than my son, and saying I told her she could have him to my husband when she didn’t realize I was on speaker phone. Why do people have to be so nasty to try and get their way?? I’m so shocked by her behavior that I’m actually quite hurt by it. I’m just venting but curious how you would handle this. I shouldn’t be told when and what I can do with my son....right?!?!? Just to add, my husband is and was completely on my side. She even hung up on him at one point.