Venting / I don’t care/ hopeless

I know there are some of you have been trying for years. I just want to vent a bit. I see and hear all these things about ppl getting pregnant and not trying, it’s so hard to be happy for others, of course I am, but a little of me is jealous and envy, either you didn’t have to try or I never will get the feeling of being a mom. I have some friends who have miscarriage and I don’t want that to happen to anyone, but I haven’t felt anything, no confirmation that I can get pregnant. I want to know, am I not made to not have kids or is my path not worthy to have kids. I am going through <a href="">fertility treatment</a>, <a href="">IUI</a>, I guess the next will be IUF. But do I want to have a kid that bad. Am I going against the nature that I can’t have kids naturally. All these questions when relatives visit, oh you guys been trying? Oh when you are going to have kids. Husband doesn’t express any concern, not sure if he is hiding his emotions or just don’t care if we have kids or not. Can I just get some blessing. Idk, I drink now and not even watch my limit. Drinking seems to help the pain and helps to not think about this problem.